South Side

This song gets me every time.  I love this song, it is just so catchy, and easy to listen to!  Give it a listen and let me know what you think?!


90s throwback

I was in the car this morning driving to work listening to Lithium, and it hits me.  I really miss having the 90s grunge music around.  They were playing some of my favorites this morning. I was so jamming out to it all.  Below I have shared some of what I was listening to.  I love this station.  I know that Sirius XM isn’t cheap, but the music is totally worth it!

Give them a listen.  Tell me what your favorite 90s jam is!

The Things We Treasure

Today’s Prompt: Tell us the story of your most-prized possession.

It’s the final day of the challenge already?! Let’s make sure we end it with a bang — or, in our case, with some furious collective tapping on our keyboards. For this final assignment, lead us through the history of an object that bears a special meaning to you.

A family heirloom, a flea market find, a childhood memento — all are fair game. What matters is that, through your writing, you breathe life into that object, moving your readers enough to understand its value.

Today’s twist: We extolled the virtues of brevity back on day five, but now, let’s jump to the other side of the spectrum and turn to longform writing. Let’s celebrate the drawn-out, slowly cooked, wide-shot narrative.

As a little girl, I was afraid of my bad dreams as we all are at one point in our lives.  I remember  my mother giving me this bear, and I remember being really excited about it.

She told me when she gave it to me that it was her bear when she was a little girl and that it was passed down to all her sisters and her from their mother, and so on back to my mothers grandmother, or My great-grandmother.

My mother was the last one to have it because even though she wasn’t the youngest, she was the last one to have children.  She told me that the bear had special powers that would take away all of my bad dreams, and only let me have good dreams.   She told me that it was called Guard Bear, and he would keep me safe at night while I was asleep.

20150502_084503The moment I got him I knew he was special.  He helped all of my aunts and uncle and my grandmothers and my mother.  How cool is that?  He is white and made by hand.  It wasn’t until many years later that I found out that my great-great-grandmother made him for my great-grandmother because she was having terrible night terrors, although at that time they didn’t really know that was the case.  He is beautiful.  He has chocolate stain on his arm from my mother when she was a child.

He is filled with tears and hugs from the best of children.  He is beautiful.  I am expected to pass him on, and as much as I don’t want to, I know that is was is expected of me.

When I was a little girl and my mother would tuck me into bed, she would hand him to me so we could pray together.  The prayer?

“Now I lay me down to sleep; I pray the lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake; I pray the Lord my soul to take.

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John; God bless this bed that I lay on.

Amen, Thank you Jesus.”

20150502_084518I would hug him with my fingers interlocked in prayer and she would hug me.  When we were done and all tucked into bed she would place him in the corner next to my head.  And there he stayed, until morning light watching over me when I slept.  I love this bear.  When I got a little older, he needed some repairs, his arm had come off.  And mom told me that he got injured fighting off the bad dreams and needed to go to Guard Bear Hospital to get fixed up.  It didn’t last though.  After a couple of years other limbs started falling off and needed to be put back on.

He is and will always remain my guardian angel while I sleep, yes he still stays in the corner of the bed at night, just to make sure that nothing can harm me while I sleep.  I think he will always remain there, until I have a little one to pass it along to.  My brother never needed him, so I got to keep him.  He hold’s a special place in my heart, right next to my mother.  And that is where he will remain, next to the woman who cared for me, just like he did while she was sleeping too.  During the day now he rests on my piano so my dog can’t get to him.  I would be horrified if she did.  When I was younger, before I would leave for school, I would tuck him into bed and tell him that now it was his turn to sleep.  He was real to me then, and is real to me know.

My Guard Bear, my sleeping Guardian Angel.

This class has been so eye-opening.  I have discovered an all new side to my writing.  I have really enjoyed this class.  Challenging?  Yes, but worth it!  Thank you for being apart of this journey with me….until next time!

In Loving Memory

Today’s Prompt: Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more.

I kinda feel like this one is a redundancy from tuesday….well at least in my case.  So this will be the only post for today, since it falls in the perimeters of today’s typical post!

Have you ever watched someone die?  Have you ever been with someone during their last moments and just prayed they weren’t in pain?  That feeling of helplessness overcome you?

It’s been almost four years since my mother passed away and the memory of her death still resonates within my mind.  I doubt it will ever go away.  Seeing someone die, changes you forever.

A little back story into her cancer story.  It was  my senior year, and the choir and I were on our senior trip/ nationals competition in San Antonio, TX.  5 glorious days in the sun, surrounded by new and exciting adventure everywhere.  Our first thing we did upon arriving at our destination was drop our luggage at the hotel and headed out to a dude ranch outside the city.  Most of us have been on a farm at one point in our life or another since we live in a farming community.  But a dude ranch is nothing like your typical farm.  No crops in sight, just a bunch or cowboys on horses and animals.  Every farm girls dream, right?  It was a lot of fun we went horse back riding, and got to meet several famous animals, like the camel that Dwane “The Rock” Johnson rode in the movie, The Scorpion King and the Zebra from the movie Racing Stripes.  We had a blast, we learned how to rope, made our own leather key chains, and even got chased by a turkey that thought he was a dog.  No joke, he would bark instead of gobble and chase you around.  We stayed the day and had dinner with the ranchers and cowboys at sunset.  We also had a hay bale race which is the start of this really.  My mom and her partner, because when you are running with a 90 lb hay bale you need two people right?  Her partner let go of the bale and my mother was left with now an extra 90 lbs on one side fell into a hole and tripped and landed on her front.  She skidded across the ground like a cartoon, it was funny at the time, even she was laughing.  Now, not so much.

When she fell she busted up her scar tissue in her chest, from a surgery from several years earlier.  The scar tissue injury never healed and started to pull on her muscles.  She was black and blue for weeks with no end in sight.  After finally going to the doctor, he was concerned and had her blood tested for a white cell count.  That came back bad, so we went for a biopsy and waited for the longest week of our lives for the results.  My father took off of work to go with her for the results.  And I am sure that you can tell what they were.  She was diagnosed with Stage 3 borderline Stage 4 breast cancer.

She underwent 9 months of chemotherapy hair loss and sickness, one extremely nail-biting surgery and 6 months of radiation at Siteman Cancer Center.  By July of 2009 she was deemed cancer free and in remission.  She was in remission for a year.

In the summer of 2010 I went to live with my Aunt in Kansas to take care of her for a month after her knee replacement surgery.  My mother and I drove down together, she spent the weekend and left me in Kansas.  After my time was up she meet us in Kansas City for a weekend get away and to bring me home.  She was late getting there and she told me that it was because she left work late.  If you knew my mother you would know that is a believable excuse.  In reality, She was going to a biopsy, one that no one knew about. Not even my father. That was the last summer she would see in good health.  The last photo that I have of her with he hair.

Two weeks later she was telling us again that her cancer was back and that she knew for sometime, but didn’t know how to tell us.  It had masticated into her lungs, liver, and stomach.  Three places that are hard to come back from.  I never knew what stage she was.  But I believe she was diagnosed as “terminal with hope”.   This time another 3 months of chemo, before the placed her in a study for 6 months.

We are up to the summer of 2011.  I went back to Kansas for a summer job.  I was to be the Director of a Summer Camp.  I was totally ecstatic about it.  I left with little tear shed and didn’t look back.  First time driving long distance to anywhere all by myself.  nervous and homesick before I even turned the key I headed to my destination.  When I left I had no Idea, that was the last time I would see my mother in good spirits, healthy and full of life.

I had a great summer.  I called home everyday, missing my family, friends and boyfriend at the time everyday.  Some days it the homesickness was easier to handle than others.  I had never really been anywhere without my family, let along 900 miles away.  My mother’s condition seemed to stabilize during the study.  She went on my brother’s band trip that summer.  The band was playing in the independence day parade in DC.  That was the last trip she ever took.  She came home and went down from there.   The cancer had eaten away at the membrane in her abdomen causing her body to rush fluids to the area making her look 9 months pregnant almost overnight.

I remember driving home from Kansas crying the entire way home.  At the time I thought that it was just because I wasn’t ready to leave yet.  I left the day after camp ended;my aunt making me go home out of concern for my mother.

8 days.  That was it.  8 days.  I got home that Saturday afternoon , got attacked by my dogs, visited with my family for several hours, went out for dinner and went to bed.  I woke up the next morning and rushed my mother to the hospital because she was jaundiced.  That was day one.  By day two we were sent home with a hospital bed and hospice on our side.  There was no more hope for her, nothing anyone could have done for her to her to help her.  The implanted a tube into her abdomen to help drain out the fluid that continued to collect.  And I was suddenly caring for my dying mother.

Can you believe that?  Going from having the summer of my life to caring for my dying mother.  I will spare you the gorey details of her death because that is not what this post is about.

I wanted to celebrate the life of my mother with you.  Tell you how much she meant to me.  She was my best friend and the most giving and selfless person I know.  If my friends or someone in the choir needed a ride she would give it no questions asked.  We went on a trip to New York my sophomore year of high school, and we were at Julliard and the Met and we were talking about our madrigal dinners and the dresses that my mother had made and sharing pictures with our tour guide.  The tour guide turned out to be a really good friend of Charlotte Church’s manager and they asked my mother to make her dress for her performance at the Met.  No questions asked and she did it.  Whether or not it got used I have no clue, but she did it.  She was talented and loving and a dedicated person.

You had a problem you could to her, needed advise on how to talk to your parent’s she would help.  She made 4 dresses on year, free of charge because someone needed it.  She made a girls prom dress because they couldn’t afford to buy one.  An amazing woman.

My life has been drastically changed, not because I am her daughter, or because I had to take care of her on her death bed, not because I watched her die helplessly.  But because I knew her, know her.  I strive to be like her with every fiber of my being.  She is my hero.  And I will always be grateful for the time I had with her.  My mother was 57 when she died.  Way to young in my book.

Loosing someone, no matter what age you are is hard to deal with.  The hole they leave behind never goes away, neither does the pain of that loss.  But the legacy and love that they leave with us makes us better, and aware of just how precious life truly is.  The pain will never go away but with time we learn to live with it.  It has taken me three years to understand that.  I am still and will not ever be over the loss of my mother.  But I am a stronger, and better person because of what she meant to me.

Here is to you mom…  I miss you with every day that passes.  I love you, to the moon and back!



Swan Lake

Today I am taking it back to my high school years.  I am talking about my dancing and the music that comes with being a Ballet Dancer.  In my sophomore year of school, I switched dance school’s and was awakened to the read world of dance.  Of ballet and pointe and being a professional dancer.  That year we performed Swan Lake as our Big Ballet Performance.  Now I was a baby swan in the performance, I only had a five minute dance number, but it was magical all the same.  This is my favorite thing that Tchaikovsky did.  Swan Lake was my life following this performance.  So Below I am sharing with you my favorite piece from the ballet.  It is both challenging in dance and music, and is such a beautiful piece.  Please Enjoy!


The New Translation

Okay so remember when I was out that entire week from being sick?  Remember I said that I went through my music library in search of better things for my iPod? Well I came across this little gem of a CD and immediately knew I needed to listen to it.  You can find them on iTunes, just search the band’s name.

This is a group of boys that I grew up with.  I don’t think the band is together anymore because we all grew up and had to get adult jobs, but nonetheless they were huge where I am from. Kind of like Story of the Year which I am sure most of you have heard of, they are also from the stl area.  any way I digress.  They were an amazing band and they really had a great thing going!  I can remember going to many of their concerts.  They are just great.  So when I came across my copy of their album shift, I immediately put it on my iPod and put the CD in my car.  I have not stopped listening to it since.  Seriously.  Not that I didn’t already know their songs by heart, but I love it.  With the weather being as nice as it has been, it’s been a roll down the windows and crank up the volume mode with this one.  So below is two of their songs and a little meet the band video I found while searching for their songs.  Please enjoy!  Let me know what you thing about them!

Fall From Grace

Blank Stares

Meet The New Translation

This is my Brain on Sleep

My week of being sick has finally caught up with me.. I am so exhausted this morning!  I am honestly having issues keeping my eyes open, and I have had my coffee already.  I just don’t understand.  Why is it that if I get the normal amount of sleep I am really really tired all day long, but if I get too little of sleep then I am wide awake for most of the day?

There really isn’t much of a change with me here as of late.  I am still getting over being sick, which sucks.  I typically take longer than most people anyway, but this is ridiculous.  Seriously, let’s be done with this already.  But on the bright side I have finally managed to keep my meals down.  Because of all of the coughing, my gag reflex is in overdrive, so here lately I have been throwing up almost every meal I consume.  Yesterday I finally managed to keep lunch down.  I think part of that is because I have also starting munching on Saltine crackers to help with the stomach issues.

I am still stuck on my 90s music, I just cannot seem to get away from it here lately.  But that okay, because at least its good music.

I am just about finished with my latest read, and you will be seeing that review up on Monday.  Tomorrow there will be a post, but it will not be fitness related.  I have a review set up for tomorrow!  You will want to read it i guarantee it!

The boards of directors from the two YMCA’s that I work at met Monday about the possible merge of the two associations, and they decided after at least an hour and a half meeting that they needed more time to decide.  Which is a plus for me because I can still work 40 hours at both locations and not get penalized for it.  But it also means that I still don’t have any answers about what I am doing for the summer, or if I need to find work elsewhere after the summer.  I am not really a fan of not knowing what I can do, I don’t really like waiting on things like this, because I am a planner….a big planner, like weeks and months ahead.  I am not a procrastinator either, so I really don’t like not knowing what to do.  O well, I guess for now I will just have to enjoy the ride, I mean I can’t really complain too much considering that I am blessed to have two jobs that I love doing.   Most people only have one that they might like on a good day.

I had to replace one of my windshield wipers over the weekend.  We are headed into the wet season here in STL and one of my wipers started to come apart on both ends, so it was time to replace it.  Let me tell you it was witch to get the old one off.  I had to Google it.  Terrible, it know.  But now the new one is so much better than the other wiper…so I may replace that one as well….We shall see.

Okay, so I do actually have a question for all of you beauty lovers.  I am considering getting a new subscription box to possible replace my ipsy bag. Now I am not replacing it because it was a crappy month or because I am just not happy with it overall.  I love my ipsy bag and I think it is a great value, I just want to branch out and try other boxes.  I want something in the same price range that is worth it.  I have mixed thoughts on birch box, I have seen several videos and reviews to know that they are really a hit and miss company.  So I am asking you for your advise and thoughts.  What subscription box should I try next?


She Talks to Angels

So being sick, I took a day to go through my music library to add songs to my iPod for work and my workouts and I came across this little gem.  As soon as I saw the album, I knew right away that I wanted to play it.  So I turned on the ancient CD player and plugged this in and reveled in my childhood days.  This song brings back so many memories for me.  I and the Neighborhood kids grew up on music like this.  I can remember the kids would come over to my house and we would take out a boom box (remember those all you ’90s kids?)  And we would sit out in the yard or go to the woods and just listen to the music.  We would dance and play and pretend that we were rock stars and the trees were our fans….ah, memories!

So I thought what better way to start back with this weeks Turn it Up Tuesday with a blast from the past.  Nothing gets you thinking about old memories like songs that trigger them!  What are some of your music memories?


Mom’s Favorite Songs!

mom terry and iYesterday would have been my mother’s 61st Birthday.  So in honor of her, I have decided to share with you some of our favorite, Turn it up and roll down the windows songs.

Here’s To you Mom!

Don Mclean American Pie

Eagles Seven Bridges Road

Tina Turner What’s Love got to do with it


Baby, It’s Cold Outside

I lieu of the recent chilly weather, I thought I would share with you one of my favorite songs of the season.  Now, I know that it is technically a Christmas song, but with the weather we have been having…baby, its cold outside.

Enjoy.  This is my favorite version of the song!